I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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