Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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