It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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