Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
