If that was your dad, he is hot
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
