she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
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