I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
