Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
