it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
