May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
