i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I supernannyed him into submission
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
