I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
