I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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