I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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