a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
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