So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Randomize
