i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
