my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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