The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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