I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
