By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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