babies were throwing up all over the place
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
