this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize