where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
