I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
