We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
