one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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