Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
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he quoted the bible to break up with me
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
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You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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