This dress was meant to end up on your floor
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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