Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
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I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
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I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I currently don't understand fingers.
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