ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
