Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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