Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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