Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
