life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
