remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
