We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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