I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
