In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
