Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
