she looked like the before picture.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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