Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
