ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
