Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
