drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Randomize
