I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
