can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
