Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
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We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
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Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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