This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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