it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
its liver damage thursday
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
