Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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