I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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