did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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