I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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