What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize