The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
