someone get that fucking seahorse.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
you never un-have a 4some
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
