Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
My balls are so social today.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
