I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
