All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Found the puke drawer
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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