benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
