if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
