I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
