apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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