so that wasnt chicken after all
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
