So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
