Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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