My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
